Fics like I’d Rather You Kill Me

“So, Rosie.” Alastor straightened himself in his seat, taking his teacup and indulging in a sip. “Now that you’ve heard the tale, I come to you for advice on what to do with our little serpentine king. Please, enlighten me: why is Lucifer Morningstar acting so strangely around me?” Rosie took a deep breath and set her cup on its saucer. “How’s the tea, darling?” she asked, hands folded on her lap. Alastor blinked once, then twice. “Why, it’s lovely, as per usual.” Rosie smiled sweetly. “Good. Not too bitter?” “Not at all.” “And how’re the fingers, dear? They taste alright?” “They’re simply delightful.” “Is your chair nice and comfortable?” “The comfiest.” “You’re all relaxed?” “I’ve never felt so at home.” “Lucifer is in love with you.” Alastor spat out the tea he’d been drinking, which was quickly followed by a round of coughing so harsh you would think he was actively dying. — Alastor has a chat with Rosie regarding Lucifer’s odd behavior. Rosie finds it all quite amusing. Alastor does not.

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