Fics like i will forgive myself and start to let it go, accept that who you chose to be was out of my control, and though it might be hard to begin again i’ll write myself a brand new story with a happy end. i survived, so tonight i am taking back my life.

Inspired by; I Am Not Nothing by Beth Crowley. ~~~~ “Shhh. It’s okay,” she soothed. “I’m not upset with you. You didn’t do anything wrong— there is literally nothing you have to make up for… and even if there was any kind of lingering hurt I wouldn’t want you to make it right like this.” This was something she had seen happen quite a few times; her wife stripped bare and standing in front of her like a deer in headlights, clearly not actually wanting to have sex or in any fit state to consent to anything, but genuinely believing she had to offer herself to her to make things better. Even if they’d ended whatever the disagreement was about on a positive note with a compromise that worked for them both. It was because Kamilah had lived so much of her life knowing for certain that issues wouldn’t really be forgiven until she’d suffered and learnt whatever lesson Gaius wanted to teach her. So even after problems were solved and they’d each appeared to move on, his voice echoed inside her head. He haunted her. He made her overthink whatever had happened, made her see lingering anger where there wasn’t any and made her anticipate a punishment that was never going to come.

Fics like i will forgive myself and start to let it go, accept that who you chose to be was out of my control, and though it might be hard to begin again i’ll write myself a brand new story with a happy end. i survived, so tonight i am taking back my life.

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