Fics like If I lose you, darling, then I lose everything.

"He didn’t want Ilya to know that he had driven all night. He would be worried. But there hadn’t really been another option. Shane had been too tense to sleep, too tense to breathe properly. Seeing Ilya would help him relax. He was always good at giving Shane what he needed. He would tease him first, of course. “Fucking relax, Hollander.” But he would. Relax. As soon as he had Ilya in his arms. His heart would stop hammering, his bones would stop vibrating, the rush in his ears would quiet. He knew it. He just needed to see him. Because he was fine. Ilya was fine. Ilya almost died. Ilya almost -" OR A character study looking at how well Shane Hollander would deal with, and process, almost losing the love of his life. Spoiler alert: Not well.

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