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“I can’t send this to the publisher,” his agent announces, before Trent can even say hello. “Are you serious, Trent? If this is some sort of joke, I don’t get it—” “It’s not a joke,” he says levelly, pouring himself a second scotch. “I’m being professional, that’s all. If I wrote a book about my mother I’d have to disclose she was my mother.” “Interestingly, the identity of your mother would not fetch quite so many headlines as you being in hopeless gay love with a Premier League manager—” “No need for the ‘gay’ part,” Trent tells her. “Just ‘hopeless love’ will do, thanks.”

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