Fics like Five times Julian begged for it, and one time he didn't

Julian keeps coming back to Asra, even though it hurts. Maybe it's because it reminds him... no matter how much Asra hates him, it can never possibly be as much as Julian hates himself. OR Julian copes with pain badly, until one day he doesn't. One day he finds himself instead, and it brings more happiness than he could possibly imagine.

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