Fics like Alone On Thanksgiving

Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad? I am a 22-year-old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van three years older than me painted like Eddie Van Halen’s guitar. I can pass for as young as 18 and as old as 28, depending on how I dress. I’m a line cook and work late nights at a bar. If you’d like me to be your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game. I can do any of these things, at your request: -Openly hit on other female guests while you act like you don’t notice. -Start instigative discussions about politics and/or religion. -Propose to you in front of everyone. -Pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on. (I don’t drink much, but I know the drill.) -Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see. I require no pay other than the free meal I will receive as a guest.

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