Fics like Begin Again

What did that say about the fact that Spock had let Jim Kirk get so close, so easily? That he had allowed him to see sides of himself he had never shown to anyone, not even after years together, not even under promises of commitment? It had already been shameful enough to consider that Jim might be nothing more than a projection of his own mind, an illusion generated by the planet's effects, a chemical symptom and nothing more. Now, though, the question kept returning, night after night, granting him no reprieve — if he had known, at the time, that Jim was truly there — present, real, tangible — would he have allowed the same level of openness? If his mental faculties hadn't been weakened by the substances in that strange air, would he have let his guard down all the same? There was no answer available. Only the suspicion, increasingly difficult to ignore, that perhaps the answer was yes. Or... Spock is still processing the emotional aftermath of his experience with Jim on Cesnar Grand, when he returns to the Enterprise, reigniting a closeness that leaves Spock increasingly unsettled. This story contains spoilers for SNW S4E3.

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