Fics like Sex Pests

“Everybody stay calm,” Issa commands. “I’ve read about this situation in many-a-fanfiction and it always turns out to be okay. Even in the Trump-Mamdani hatefucking one.” “What?” Paul Baker hisses. “What?” Issa echoes, alarmed. The three of them are stock-still in the doorway of their hotel room. It’s a nice place—shockingly clean, with cute décor and a Hudson River view. The problem is that there’s only one bed, and it’s not going to fit everyone unless they spoon each other buttcheek-to-cheek. Or: Samir’s house has to be fumigated for pests, so Issa has the bright idea to turn this into a Manhattan staycation with her, Anton, and Paul Baker crammed into a one-bed hotel room.

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