Fics like symptom threshold

“I am sorry,” he says. “I am not trying to fight. I just don’t like the idea of you not being okay and me not knowing, even when I am in the same place as you.” That Shane can understand. He wouldn’t like it if their positions were reversed, after all, if he thought Ilya was potentially in danger and he was in the next room over drinking champagne and making smalltalk. He sees Ilya go somewhere in his head sometimes, sees him retreat inwards, sees him check out even if his body is still there, going so deep inside that he doesn’t even catch Shane’s eye for a bit even when something funny happens, too far away for Shane to reach him. But it’s also not like he can just go up and grab Ilya by the arm and pull him away from the party, not without inviting speculation and a whisper storm. He doesn’t have that right, doesn’t have that privilege, to potentially need Ilya or be needed by Ilya and be able to just pull him away. It’s moments like these that Shane feels the weight of their secret like a physical thing. (5 times shane and ilya couldn't be openly together and 1 time they could)

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