Fics like Forever, Unfortunately

“You’re telling me,” Childe says, his voice increasing in pitch with every word, “that you—you, the fancy funeral consultant who lectures pigeons and alphabetizes his tea cabinet—you’re biologically wired to marry the first person you screw and stick with them forever?!” Zhongli, impassive: “I wouldn't put it quite so crudely.” Childe: “You wouldn’t put anything crudely, you gilded fossil!” Zhongli arches a brow. Childe slams his hands on the table. “Do you realize what this means?!” “No,” Zhongli lies. Zhongli, whose tail is curled just slightly tighter around the leg of his chair. Zhongli, who is starting to suspect he may not survive this breakfast with his dignity intact. “It means,” Childe says, eyes blazing with the sort of deranged glee only possible from someone who once tried to flood a nation as a workplace prank, “you’ve already picked me!” In which Childe learns dragons mate for life and becomes completely insufferable about it.

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