Fics like You make me choose a better way to lose

Jackson has always hated and envied Holt in equal amounts, but when they separate, he realizes Holt has always been a part of him, and now he wants it back. -- Jackson keeps everything secret. Hides his notes away, plans excuses ahead. He wants to laugh, it's exactly what he's been doing for all of his life except this time he's feeling proud of it. He turns on music and listens to albums dancing in the school's empty bathrooms, he's playing russian roulette with Holt. It's easier now that he knows it's not forever. He gives in to the monster's whims and impulses, cackles like he's giving a dead man his dying wish. You're a dead man, Holt he thinks when he inevitably fucks with his life.

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