Fics like my first kiss went a little like this

"Eddie?" Shannon picks up on the fourth ring. "Everything okay?" "I kissed a man," he says. The silence on the other end stretches for nine thousand years. Eddie can hear Shannon breathing. He can hear his own heartbeat slamming against his ribs. He stares at the apartment building through his windshield, at the lit window on the fourth floor that might belong to E. Buckley, and waits for his ex-wife to say literally anything at all. "You what?" "I kissed a man, Shannon. Just now. I was delivering food and he opened the door and I just— I kissed him. On the mouth. And I don't know why." Another silence. Then a sound Eddie recognizes with dawning horror as Shannon trying very, very hard to suppress a laugh. "Shannon." "I'm processing." "You're laughing." "I'm processing." She fails spectacularly. "I'm sorry, I just— you kissed a man? Edmundo Diaz? The same Edmundo Diaz who wouldn't watch Brokeback Mountain with me because it made him 'uncomfortable'?" "It did make me uncomfortable!" "Yeah, Eddie, I'm starting to understand why." Or, Being kissed by your Uber Eats delivery driver? Worse things have happened.

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