Fics like something that I tell myself I need

Something about it has fooled Shane, or maybe made him put his guard down, made him think that there could be something they have in common; something that they both want. He feels like he occasionally catches it in Rozanov’s eyes too, small moments of agreement or understanding between them. But Shane knows he has to be more careful than that. Another thought comes to him, not clouded by the haze of being together. It’s one he’s had repeatedly since their first meeting in 2008, one that he believes so surely that it feels all-consuming — that Rozanov is not like him at all, that they don’t think the same way, that they lead different lives. Want different things. Sometimes he wants to scream at Rozanov when they’re together — fucking or cuddling or just sitting silently in the same space — this is not who I am, what have you done to me, why can’t I stop. Or, 5 times Shane Hollander didn't get what he wanted, and 1 time he did.

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