Fics like you ought to gouge your eyes out

When Ilya sees the picture, he drops the phone on his face. It’s a piece of fan art – if you can even call it art – depicting Shane and Ilya, naked and locked in passionate embrace. The Ilya isn’t bad, if a bit clumsy. A lot veinier than the real Ilya, for sure, and his dick is somehow bigger than a horse cock. But Shane. This Shane is a good six inches shorter than actual Shane. They’ve stolen his body hair, waxed his pubes and leg hairs clean off. On top of that, they shrunk his ass. It is a war crime.

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