Fics like When I'm drunk at the club I wanna be felt up (When I'm fresh outta luck, I say give me the hard stuff)

At first, Ilya was reckless with it. He would find an open expanse of skin and scratch with his nails until he drew blood. Find a sharp object and grip it till his hand starts to ooze red down his wrists. Skating more aggressively, hoping to get hit back with so much force he blacked out. It started when he was twelve, after his mother died. After a few years of getting used to his new team and eventually becoming captain, his cutting morphed into something more punishing and less noticeable, or at least he thought. Drinking himself to the point that no memories of the night before stuck with him. Taking women and men up on their offers to fuck despite feeling disgusted with himself after the deed was done. Entertaining a group of party goers by doing a line with them, although he himself never had an interest in coke. However, something did change throughout the years. He took on a more regular hookup. Someone who had the chance to see his body more than once, someone who could remember his body, someone who had the chance to see what Ilya had done to himself.

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