Fics like this is me trying

At some point, Shane crawls into bed, feeling raw and open like a wound. He horrifyingly wishes more than anything that Ilya were there. That thought is shocking enough that it snaps something inside, and Shane decides that he absolutely, 100% does not have time to deal with what happened tonight. He puts the entire thing — the rough hands, the tongue on his ear, the gravelly voice telling him to take it — into a box in his mind. And buries the box as deep as he can. *** Or, a different take on Shane's experience with the "big, strong top" from Mexico

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