Fics like How to Win Friends and Influence Assassins (AKA: the Shitbird Survival Guide)

The Asset stares at the child. The child is, presumably, staring back from behind the creepy white lenses of his domino mask, but it’s impossible to know for sure. “Where in the everloving shit are your parents?” the Asset demands. “Dead,” the kid says promptly, and grins at him again before darting forward to examine the restraints. “I got this, don’t worry.” “I got questions for your legal guardian,” the Asset growls. [Or: the Avengers acquire an emotional support Robin. Robin acquires an unwanted babysitter. The Winter Soldier just wants a nap.]

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