Fics like Count the Ways: Romance for Dummies

“I made a list!” Nick announced, marching into Fuzzby’s office first thing Monday morning and slapping it onto her desk. Fuzzby looked down, brow raised. “Reasons why I don’t love Judy Hopps?” She scanned the list. “Number fifteen is her eyes?” “They’re terrible!” he declared. “They keep me up at night with how awful they are!” “Uh huh.” She scanned back up. “Number two, you wrote; ambition.” “Don’t get me started. She’s too passionate!” Fuzzby flipped through the list again from number one (kindness) all the way down to number forty-seven (her soft ears). She looked up at Nick, unimpressed. “You do realize that this does the opposite of proving your point, right?” Or: Nick pines over his best friend, accidentally writes love letters, and gets read to absolute filth by his therapist.

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