Fics like Vampires Will Sometimes Hurt You

Once upon a time, in the Great Persian Jungle, a scorpion came to a turtle for help. “Dear friend,” the scorpion began, “I need to reach the other side of the river, but I cannot swim. Would you be so kind as to carry me across?” The turtle hesitated. “But what if you sting me while we’re crossing? I could die.” “Why would I do such a thing?” the scorpion scoffed. “If I stung you, we would both drown.” The turtle was reassured, and she allowed the scorpion to climb upon his shell. When they were midway across the river, the scorpion stung the turtle, but the turtle’s shell was thick, and the stinger could not get through. The turtle was deeply troubled. “Why did you do that?” she demanded. The scorpion sighed, “It was not out of malice or ingratitude, my friend. It was an irresistible and indiscriminate urge to sting. It is in my nature." Where Mikey is a vampire. Pete is Pete.

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