Fics like And still the scales balance

Spencer isn't sure he ever really knew a time before wanting to die. Logically he knows there must have been. Children aren't inherently born with that desire. But he can't pinpoint a specific moment where he became aware of it. Where he didn't have the List. Now it's simply a fact of life. Get up. Go to work. Come home. Consult the List, the Pros and Cons of continued existence. Make coffee. Have dinner. Sleep. Spencer had always found just enough reasons to keep living, tenuous though they were at times. Then Emily dies.

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