Fics like All Things to All People

This might be the last story I ever tell. Definitely the last story I will ever type on this laptop, as I plan to chuck this cursed device into the nearest pool of acid the very second I send this draft to Calliope for proofreads and erase this whole episode from my memory. Hermes said it would do nothing to destroy any of the actual content on it, as everything is “stored in the Cloud” nowadays, but go for it man, get it out of your system. Lately, everybody’s been telling me to go for it man, get it out of your system. They’ve also been walking on eggshells and keep giving me their therapists’ contact information. Wow, Apollo, you may be wondering. What is this tale about? Can it really be more traumatic than your six month road trip across America, bound to a pipsqueak slave-master and fighting off such distinguished enemies as real estate tycoons, giant snakes, horse-fuckers, the specters of all your past regrets and/or mistakes, fungal acne and your toxic ex? Yes. It can. You can stop trying to hide your glee, reader. Apollo thought his trials were over. Well, Apollo thought wrong.

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