Fics like JD Vance Couch Porn: One naked man fucks six couches at 3am

JD Vance entered the IKEA at 3 am, wearing nothing but socks and sandals, a live dolphin nestled snugly between his clenched butt-cheeks. The store was cool and empty, his footsteps echoing pleasantly and his penis gingerly awakening as he headed for the furniture showroom. He considered it a rite of passage to break into a furniture store at some godless hour, looking for a soul mate. It was a sign that he wasn’t playing around anymore. He wasn’t just here for the thrill of cheating on the couch he had stolen from his Mamaw (slang for grandmother), no, he was also here to find THE ONE. The couch that would finally complete him, supporting both his back and his passion of becoming vice president.

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