Fics like One (1) Daily Shoulder Pat

Shenanigans ensue when one middle finger to the Academy too many gets Starfleet Cadet James T. Kirk booted off planet for a summer internship aboard the V.S.S. Sh'Raan. He's hiding a major secret from the oh so earnest and helpful Vulcans, but the longer he's on the ship, the more Jim starts to wonder if they're keeping secrets from him, too. --- Captain Spisee handed Jim a heavy sheet of rich, cream paper embossed with gold dusted Vulcan calligraphy bearing the ship’s name. It was a bit cheap by the standards of Vulcan stationary aesthetics, but shipboard life meant some sacrifices. In the most elegant handwriting he’d ever had the privilege to lay eyes on, it read: Human Enrichment and Optimal Health Program: - One (1) Daily Shoulder Pat (more provided upon request) - Seventy (70) Seconds of Hug Time Per Week (divided between crew members as you deem necessary) - Three (3) Discrete Instances of Daily Praise - Three (3) Structured Entertainments per week - Minimum of One (1) Social Companion per meal (more available upon request) “We would appreciate detailed weekly feedback on the efficacy of our Human integration efforts."

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