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Like Haitham would even care, Kaveh almost says, before remembering that the whole point is making everyone think Al-Haitham would, in fact, care. “Oh, he’ll show up, all right,” he says instead. “He’s going to show up so hard, you don’t even know. Because he cares. So much. About me.” His abductors trade looks with each other. “Why do you think he’s into him?” the first man whispers, perfectly audible. The other shrugs. “Maybe the ex-Acting Grand Sage likes blondes?” Or: After the truth of his living situation finally gets out to the rest of Sumeru, Kaveh knows he has only one way to protect his reputation: convince everyone that he and Al-Haitham are married. Too bad he never realized the risk of being the former Acting Grand Sage’s wife.

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