Fics like the blood in your mouth shall always be mine

“You don’t want me to hurt myself?” he asks, twirling the knife between his fingers, allowing it to scrape against his knuckles. Soap sighs in one heavy, fell swoop, and slowly lowers himself to his knees about three feet away from Ghost, as if getting on his level will calm him. Ghost feels his breathing slow and ignores it, forces himself to pant and whine again, because he wants to be panicked, he wants to be hurt. “Simon, honey, come on,” Soap murmured, low and soft, words just for them and Ghost snarls, teeth bared. He doesn’t want Soap to make him feel good. “Just give me-” Soap begins and holds his hand out for the knife that Ghost is embarrassed to say he’s losing his grip on; he doesn’t think, only knows that this knife is all he has and that he doesn’t want Soap to touch him and that he wants to be big and mean and scary like everyone else finds him, everyone but Soap and Price and Alejandro and Rudy and Gaz, wants to see them side eye him with fear and concern like they used to, wants to hear them all, from where they’re stationed in the abandoned gym, watching them, fall silent as death when he turns the knife on himself. “You don’t want me to hurt myself?” he asks again.

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