Fics like Consanguineous Ministrations

“Who gave you a baby?” Dick demanded, the instant Bruce opened the front door, eyes drawn immediately to the sobbing infant on Bruce’s hip that he gently bounced to no avail. At the same time, Bruce muttered, “I told you, it’s fine, you didn’t have to come.” Dick rolled his eyes and pushed past him. Noted the scattered blankets, baby clothing, and dirty dishes gracing nearly every surface of the lake house with a glance. “I figured that out when you hung up on me. My question still stands: who in their right mind gave you an infant?” Bruce opened his mouth and then shut it. Took a deep breath which he blew out slowly. The plain white dress shirt he favored on the weekends was streaked with what looked like pea puree, sweet potato, and snot. “A desperate alien ship with no other options.” “Yeah, that scans.” ---- Alternatively titled, "Let's give Batfleck alien baby problems".

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