Fics like A shock that nearly knocked me down

I will admit that at first my feelings were less tender than irritated. I thought her, in fact, a braggart of the worst sort. During our first conversation she enquired casually as to my tons burthen; “325,” said I. “Oh!” said she, “mine is 372. And what is your length,” she asked; “102 feet,” said I. “Oh, how interesting!” said she, “mine is 105 feet. And I believe I am broader in beam as well.” She then asked about my armament, and feigned surprise to discover that she was the better armed. I thought I had never met a more smug and odious ship.

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