Fics like If You Like My Name, You Should Hear My Number

"I'm starting to wonder if bluebloods only come in smart like a vicious animal or dumb as someone's pet rock categories," Karkat says, because he's someone who prizes his survival instincts highly. "I thought I knew of all the local command on sight, what are you, an internal affairs sneak? Slipping in with the monthly cargo of perishables and then gone again with someone's career in your vorpal hopbeast teeth? What were you doing in that dive?" The man crooks him a grin. "I was, uh, what was it again? Taking part in a 'deplorable fucking contest of limp-bulged impressions containing zero fucking artistic or entertaining merit,' and it wasn't that you have no sense of humor but that I'm objectively the opposite of frigging funny." -- In Which A Secret Mutantblood Unknowingly Picks Up A Member Of The Nobility In A Bar Of Ill-Repute, After Which They Proceed To Have Sex, Fall Asleep, Then Have Sex Again While The Mutant Desperately Tries To Hide His Blood Color And Not Laugh At The Blueblood's Deplorable Jokes. Contains References To Ashen Pornography, A Somewhat Pitiable Inability To Handle The Gloriousness Of War, And Mentions Of Conciliatory Perversions Unsuitable For Trolls Aged Eight Or Under.

Fics like If You Like My Name, You Should Hear My Number

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