Fics like The Great British Wank-Off

"It's not a kinky thing!" Harry pushes his glasses up to rub at the bridge of his nose. "Look, Malfoy beat me that time, and then he kept rubbing it in my face—" "Phrasing, mate." "Shut up. Anyway, he kept gloating about it, so I challenged him to a rematch. That's all that was." Ron stares at Harry like he's grown another head and it's suddenly become visible. "So, you and Malfoy, you were having some kind of… masturbation marathon. A competitive cocking. A battle of the bulge." "I'm going to murder you."

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