Fics like Actually, Do Shoot the Messenger

“Ask Detective Douche if he wants to sleep with me?” Lucifer asked, incredulously. He stared at Chloe for a moment, his expression turning thoughtful. “I… hmm. Well, I suppose I could ask. Yes, I certainly could ask him,” he repeated. “But what if he says he does? Do you really want me to sleep with your ex?” “He won’t,” said Chloe with confidence. “I know Dan. I lived with him for ten years. He’s as straight as they get, and even if he was secretly into men he wouldn’t be into you, and he’s still in mourning for Charlotte. He’s the perfect test case, someone with no reason whatsoever to want to sleep with you. If you proposition him, and he turns you down, I’ll know you haven’t been taking advantage of people, and we can move on from there.” [In which an inquisitive Chloe proposes an experimental test of Lucifer’s powers, Dan expands his horizons somewhat, and everyone talks about their Feelings way too much. Post Season 3 finale.]

Fics like Actually, Do Shoot the Messenger

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