Fics like Page Three Hundred and Sixty-Four

Equal in length to an encyclopedia, the Red Team Handbook has a lot to say about everything. From the proper way to pile hand grenades (see illustration on page twelve) to the correct color rank (all the way from #ff0000 to #ffa500) and the three easiest ways to spot a Blue in disguise (look for weak spine, shaking knees and lack of honor) - yet it still fails to tell Simmons how to survive with an orange, annoying fatass for a teammate. Or how to stop falling in love with him.

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